I am caught somewhere between sleep and wakefulness,
in a dance of limbo between unconsciousness and consciousness,
as always there is so much to say and there is nothing to say...
Enter the Liminal State...
whenever i hear that term i think of my professor from last spring [K. Bruffee to be precise] who repeated himself so many times i can never forget the sonnet he taught:

That time of year thou may'st in my behold...
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth from the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.

Well that's only half... but i don't want to write the rest, i'm pretty sure i proved my point. Liminality [which is a word] is feeling the winter chill on a sunny day in September....or watching the sky pause for a half an hour of 'no day' until it finally finds night...it's your first blush....the buzz of knowing and yet not quite knowing.... Last night, as part of wonderful Aussie dinner a friend was trying to pin point the state she currently finds herself in... we finally figured it out... it's called: restlesness.
The knowledge that you are not here or there...
For some reason i don't think that's called being nowhere. I really don't. I don't think the space of 'nowhereness' is necessarily negative. Because it's late, and i'm tired, and i am just not in the mood being witty, funny or entertaining right now i'll tell you this much, it's my favorite place to be at...and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. There's a vibe to being in the moment of making a choice...before you've decided to go right or left, to travel to Dublin or Paris, or eat vanilla or chocolate ice cream [although for me i always end up with vanilla or its surrounding cousins].
There' s an energy in that place that must be acknoweldged and most importantly respected.
Some people say this is the 'youth or pre-married' state. I'm not sure. I don't think adolescence is an easy thing to go thru, nor do i think you ever reach a complete feeling of being settled [except in death but that's just me and my 'morbidness']. We must always look for more, seek more, love more, and try to reach beyond our current state and capacity... otherwise how can we convince ourselves that we are still living?

Restlessness isn't boredom. And yet if it doesn't somehow translate into a vibrating pulse, a buzz that gets you 'hight' it is wasted, forgotten, a beautiful moment left to rot in the gutters of time.
So if you are in a state of restlessness, if you are somewhere that you cannot pinpoint, somewhere nisht a hei oi nisht a her... stop running the treadmill of anxiety, stop worrying about your 'nowhereness'. Because you are somewhere. Think of the moment, seriously stop and reflect inwardly until you can embrace the blessed state and use it to do something you never thought was possible...

and yes... my 'saturday nights' are boring... but i like them that way.
;)
namastaei.