beyond the quil of nyquil

There are two roles i hate playing: patient and guest. personally i hate being sick and have never fully comprehended how anyone would ever want to be a hypocondriac. never got why anyone would want to be sick unless quarantined to bed by medical order and enforced by motherly demand. my sinus infection has been reassessed as the flu. my body and brain are exhausted even though i've done nothing all day- nothing but ping pong in the perception of sensation. very odd. i've never felt both hot and cold while being feverish and freezing...its actually pretty interesting once you get beyond the sickening side affects. think it was confucius that said sickness is the body outwardly expressing what is occurring inwardly or something to that affect. i believe that to be true. most sickness is simply an upset in balance, which infers that i must have been balanced at some point.
guess more meditation needed to work thru the life glitches, or maybe i just caught some damn bug in zurich. still, apparently it is possible to feel two opposite feelings simultaneously.... imagine if you could express this in the physical dimension.... it would be the possibilities of impossibility: you can be compelled/repelled, love/hate, selfish/selfess. a feat i studied in psychology class (tho usually that causes some neutral or single sensation) but never had the chance to experience.
so i am a guest to sickness at the moment. checked in for a reassessment and general tune-up. kinda works with this week's torah portion (talk about living with the times- corny but i am excused). so i escaped from my ward for a spell to spell... someone downloaded all this weird disco music on my Ipod. people always do that on my pod (helps me remember them) i'm thinking this was a rivky kraz song??? hmm....
it's going to be a long night unless i swallow some serious NyQuil soon. one of those long stretchy ones, where you are so tired you can do nothing but play the rerun episodes of your life in your head. i hate those. who likes reruns? i'm talking the major classics, like: a. holding your mother on your shoulders while she tried to pull down the frozen garage door before the motor blew up .b. the time you were running from the cops when you crashed your parents car into your neighbor's car and realized you didn't have a license .c. the time you woke up and the tooth fairy left her grocery list instead of a buck ..... and those are just the user friendly ones. here's a word of advice: never blog when you are deranged from common meds, alternative meds, vitamins and mother approved meds. never blog when you are not feeling all that stable (like an atom- Adom is never stable- we exist in the constancy of the movement but that's just my excuse). never blog if you are trying to escape the quiet of the night and the noise in your brain.
just to be safe. don't blog anymore.
talk about ping pong, israel just seems to bring out the reactionary in everything and everyone. it is The Edge. you've never experienced such sweet irony right to the last minute. oy gevalt. life has a funny way of beatin you down and just when you think you are about to start crying it twists the ending like an O. Henry story, just sneaks up on you, and in all your tangled non-yoga positions you are stuck. cuz you were going to cry but now you just have to laugh. you got that moment of suspension. you are both. you are feeling both things at once. kind of a psychological pickle.
so you realize how cookey you are by thinking anything in the first place. oh the drama of the everyday man (sounds like a hugo statement but i'm not sure). always thought that basic life makes the best plot line. aha! finally i realize why i have always hated sci-fi and fantasy (sorry rose you're solo there)... i knew something productive would come from this mess... visual clarity usually comes from the most catastrophic and engimatic of brain knots.