Today was a beautiful day... nothing particular... nothing specific... just nice.. quiet, restful i suppose. Over the course of the meteorlogically indecisve afternoon, had the pleasure to engage in a conversation with an old, far-away friend... a wonderful amica who is experiencing the back-lash affects of a week-long Stephen Dedalus moment [epiphanies as a rule are a brilliant thing [if you are conscious & strong enough to know that you are having one.] it's what you do with the enormous realization that determines which direction the life pedulum swings.] There's a cloud of profound confusion that arises when the safety of schedules suddenly disintegrates in a sunny afternoon... a guilty association with a day spent wrongly, self-indulgently, on "unproductively" . Why are vacations always viewed as periods that demand the lack of activity? The absence of that which occupies us, the big black hole in our otherwise over-simplified universe?

no. 'tis not. there can be no such thing... there is no binary see-saw of work vs. non work, of "productivity vs. unproductivity". there is no such thing as a dichotomous perspective of life demands. It's all part of the process... there's no finish line that we should be staring down the horizon for, there is no piece of paper that guarantees life success, no single job, no "winning" marriage that is the ultimate answer... there is only a process... the process to find some happiness and share it... and yes there is the space between and the space itself...there is the breath that supports between words...there is that time to stop in order to rebegin.... vacation is nothing if not a reevaluation of energies, a shifting of concentration... a moment to expand the ever flowing river without the constrictions of daily life demands...
For this reason, i ascribe to the Confucious belief that those who do what they truly love are never forced to work a day in their lives. If your 'work' does not acknowledge who you are as a constant, ever-growing, ever-becoming person, if what you spend your time and efforts on does not make you genuinely happy, bone-deep satisfied, and inspire you to grow, become, be and do, if it does not truly allow you to become a more genuine, more authentic, more finely attuned soul, then you must reevualte both what you call work and that brief period of non-work.
Because essentially-
in the process-
there is no such thing as work. there is no such thing as vacation.

me'thinks Gd must be a woman too

"Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"
I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that Eve?"
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"Man? What is that, Lord?"
"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch, Lord?"
"Well...You can have him on one condition."
"And what's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret...you know, woman to woman."

finals over. happy living.

i'm posting an equation... took me an embarrassingly long 56.5 minutes to figure it out... [okay i'm lying the concept took me 56.5 minutes to figure out, the actual Beast took about 12 minutes to tame.]
have fun. Organic chemistry just rocks the troposphere [or some atmospheric layer anyway...].
and for all you mathematically inclined souls out there.
i wish i could borrow your micro-chip-
i love chemistry... but the math.... the math is snubbing me....and it hurts.

1. The decomposition of sodium azide produces nitrogen gas that is used to inflate automobile air bags. What mass of nitrogen, in grams, can be made from 60.0 grams of sodium azide?
{i'll help you out: the molar mass of NaN3 is 65.0 g/mol, adn the molar mass of N2 is 2x14.0= 28.0 g/mole}

2. and another- [this is somewhat algebraic...i think.]
a] When a fuel such as methane is burned in sufficient air, the products are carbon dioxide and water. Balance the following equation for this combustion:
CH4 + O2------------------------ CO2 + H2O

b] Butane is a common fuel. Balance the following equation describing the combustion of butane:
C4H10 + O2 -------------------------------- CO2 + H2O

*Does it take more oxygen [per molecule] to burn butane than it does to burn methane? How much more CO2 is produced?

Whoever solves any one of these equations earns:
a. my undying respect

c. my removed epidermis
b. a free library card [provided that i get the job, which i better, because, for all my education, i have to few to no marketable skills [such as computer knowledge, phone handling and people skills eew. i hate adults.] what happened to the days that good penmanship was a value? {besides i'd prefer not to work in The Office}]

COMING TOMORROW: All you've ever wanted to know about CFCs or may be THE ADVENTURES OF UNSATURATED HYDROCARBONS: Sir Alkenes and his Lady Alkynes.....

and by the by- I only dig singers who actually play an instrument.

any takers? what is with these people and asking these complex- multi-faceted insane questions in an e-mail? this is ludicrous. and Mir- you owe me...

hi how are you,

my name is Ksrla and a city college student I got your info from Mariam, she said it was OK to ask you some questions, thanks a lot!!!!!

1. what rituals and beliefs set you apart from other sets of the Jewish faith in NYC?
2. is the way your faith is practice today the same way it was
practiced centuries ago?
3. do you think your faith is the closest to the "correct" path (to God)
4 may I ask, are there pros and cons of being a Hasidim Jew in NYC 2006
5. assuming you are an Hasidim Jew living in Brooklyn, does your community
considers themselves apart from the general population of the residents of
Brooklyn or a separate group govern by their own rules?
6. if so, what specific actions makes your community a separate set with it's own
rules?
7. do you think the ritual of kapparah is something you understand and agrees
with?
8 Are you proud or ashamed of this ritual?
9. do you know the Orisa/Voundon/Santeria(African based)way of life also uses
chickens in their rituals?
10. were you taught that those faiths are primitive, do you still believe in those
teachings?
11. are you and the people you are close too strictly kosher?
12. do you, your friends and family shop in the neighborhood supermarkets or a
specific kosher store.
13. do you, your friends and family eat meat during Yom Kippur? why or why not?
14. do you think other people of other faiths should be kosher?
15. do you think non Jewish people in the Hasidim communities should eat chickens
during the religious holiday of Yom Kippur?
16. from the perspective of the Hasidim community who are considered the poor?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

i love my pseudo-aunthood. yes, Lea- auntie rifkah has officially gone into labour. as the only official single adult i've moved in for a spell... let me tell you the pre-school prep [sandwiches, snacks, clothes, hw] is not quite as easy as it appears [do they give classes in that?]. anyway, some burnt chocolate chip pancakes later, and trying to convince everyone not to go to school in their bathing suits, we've managed to get everyone off to school... delivering zev meister to preschool proved to be quite the challenge with naught a car or a functioning umbrella... i'm sur you have a mental image...go ahead laugh it up ;)
must run dear, will keep you posted on new cousin developments.

see you on the dark side of the moon...

Lunar Baedeker
by: Mina Loy
Lea- [i'm so glad we got rid of all those people] this is the writer i was telling you about yesterday- isn't she awesome? what a lost linguistic lunatic... she is officially my favorite writer/poet/word junkie for today [two days running]. provided that i can keep my eyes open long enough, rose and i planning escape tonight {or kidnapping if necessary}- do join love. will call later.

A silver Lucifer
serves
cocaine in cornucopia

To some somnambulists
of adolescent thighs
draped
in satirical draperies

Peris is livery
prepare
Lethe
for posthumous parvenues

Delirious Avenues
lit
with the chandelier souls
of infusoria
from Pharoah's tombstones

lead
to mercurial doomsdays
Odious oasis
in furrowed phosphorous

the eye-white sky-light
white-light district
of lunar lusts

Stellectric signs

WING SHOWS ON STARWAY
ZODIAC CAROUSEL

Cyclones
of ecstatic dust
and ashes whirl
crusaders
from hallucinatory citadels
of shattered glass
into evacuate craters

A flock of dreams
browse on Necropolis

From the shores
of oval oceans
in the oxidized Orient

Onyx-eyed Odalisques
and ornithologists
observe the flight
of Eros obsolete

And "Immortality"
mildews
in the museums of the moon

NOCTURNAL CYCLOPS
CRYSTAL CONCUBINE

Pocked with personification
the fossil virgin of the skies
waxes and wanes

pax

It's amazing how such trivial things can bother us...stupid unimportant things like luke-warm coffee, broken pens and opposing opinions. We harp on such little menial things, while we fail to acknowledge real issues, the huge black holes that burn in the psyche of society... the huge endeavor and profound absolute truth in bettering society; instead of concentrating on disproving methodologies. Seriously, who the hell cares how you do it, just do something to make the world a better, safer, more beautiful place.
Stop worrying so much about the disparring annoyances that somehow manage to eat at your little safeguarded indisputed world of mono-dimensional self... refocus, recenter on the much larger bigger picture of the spherical world in desperate need of change and increased goodness.

Its come to my attention that there is quite an audience reading this slightly inane blog. I will not pretend that I don't know that you exist. I'm not so uncertain with myself to pretend to be indifferent or unaware of your presence. I walk down the street laughing to myself at the absurdity of this entire parallel, sub-culture Chabad universe. Some people think that I am exposing a whole millieu of impropriety, a repetoire of anti-conventionality. If i have done so, it was unconsciously done. I am simply promoting another way of thinking...a looser, unstructed, freer perspective. I am advocating tolerance, acceptance, creative expression, respect and a limitation of judgment.... to be honest, i don't care if that platform makes me wrong... even if some of you may find that somewhat offensive, I will not apologize for who i am. Just as i do not expect any of you to apologize for the slightly paradoxical, ever-changing, fluid way you live your life. I am not looking for approval and I am not looking for condemnation- If you desire you challenge me- I welcome it, i appreciate it. Debate only strengthens the mind and affirms opinions. Dialogue only points out inconsistencies, mistakes of logic, mistakes that are not fatalistic errors but portals of self-discovery....delving deeper and deeper into the heart of a concept, an idea, a state of being.
So no...no apologies and no hard feeling either. Yes, you are right, i have to be aware that the "door" to namastaei is always open, and you too, have to remember that you have equal choice not to visit.

*in peace* and much na-ma-st-ae-i

at this very moment i feel like David Blane in his giant fishbowl [assuming he's still there].... i am researching Arrested Development lyrics for a project, adapting a portion of Hamlet for a lesson, discussing the kabbalist view of feminism, being told to kindly update my blog and reviewing feedback from a discussion on post-modernism. my eyes are burning and i've had this terrible kink in my neck for the past two days.... i'm trying to enact my philosophy that you can do it all. You can produce truly creative work, attend a tea award ceremony, still speak to your family, while reseaching your thesis, eat, sleep for a frew hours, maintain a GPA, do some yoga, and begin pre-doctoral level work... i'm trying... it's the most satisfying, rewarding, incredible work i've ever done... but i'm tired. i'm really exhausted... like bone deep mental weary and in desperate need of a rub down [i mean mental more than physical here].
one friend suggested i put up one of my many papers [and i am in the middle of a fabulous one on Queer Theory] or post something from my Big Projet Thing [that i've been working my arse off for the past week on] but alas. nay. i don't know how to put it on here from my computer. and besides, who, besides selected readers, are interested in academic work?
my cousin [who i am simultaneously having a convo with] wants to know which person in modern history i'd want to meet if i could? hmmm...
abe lincoln was a funky man... thought maybe Grandma Moses.
i realized i have reached the breaking point because i mailed my credit card bill to myself.
on that note people i check out for shower time.
i will return when i can rationally think and form a normal cohesive sentence without ism.
ciao. bonne notte.

i wnat to see History Boys- any takers?