I'm back :)

Well my faithful bloggers i have returned to the cyber world... hope everyone's purim holiday was lovely. Interesting that this year Purim fell out on Friday- had me thinking a bit on the auspiciousness of that. Primarily the fact that the miracle was delivered thru a woman- shabbat being the manifestation of G-d's royal feminine divinity. Friday also being 'Yesod', the prisim of G-d's 'foundation' quality- embodied by Joseph, a leader who's identity was hidden until necessary, a Jew (later Mordechai is as glorified as Joseph was) in a strange royal court, Esther being the miracle, being from the tribe of Benjamin, seeds of redemption that were planted by Joseph his brother...etc. (the joys of thinking circularly :)
I enjoyed the creativity and the original costumes so many students came up with (particularly a 5 year old's interpetation of the human hamentash *chuckle*). Purim is not much different than everyday of the year- the presentation of Self in everyday life. The many masks we don in any given circumstance of reality whether it be home, work, or how we look in the mirror. Still, despite this introspective mode :) the holiday was one filled with smiles, revelrie and cotton candy- a tale that remains refreshingly alive and can be easily adapted (as my class's play) into modern culture...
aah yes, then an actual eventful saturday night! I headed north the I-95 to New Haven with good friends and good music. We went to check out the Mattisyahu hype (guy's appeared on Jimmy Kimmel and Last Call with Carson Daley) so yours truly being her curious cat self felt compelled to check it out. small campus crowd, highly interesting chabad venue to say the least. Not the biggest reggae fan (can there even be another Bob Marely- i ask??) still he's definitely got a groove going on. I want to pose a question not a judgement- what do you think of singing 'tzamah lichoh nafshi' to a college audience of which some kids are busy making out (kissing etc.) ?? my friend believes that 'their soul needs to hear it', what do you think??- i am curious to the response of this highly intelligent audience....After this we went to the after-party at Chai and hung out with some Yalees... the night was nice and soft- good to walk out some post-concert adrenaline :) yes, so that was my lovely saturday night (thank you dahlin' Lea). then usual greenwich rush workday (different with train and taxi factor) and publishing of class's Haggadah. (full steam ahead to Pesach :)
now i sit with my books (as i am essentially a nerdish book worm:) came up with an interesting idea for a Dickens comparison project- looking forward to working the words.... long post as its been a long while (feels like a 15 day week), and due to the mad Corrs fiddler that has my juices going. tomorrow Gush Katif film presented by Naomi Solomon check it out it's at the Riverdale Jewish Center (RJC)Tuesday (tomorrow) at 8pm. Her cell is (310) 867-1146.
night y'all- do get some sleep....till Miss Dubone and I establish our nocturnal commune that is :)

this just in...

while boiling H2O for my green tea- i somehow managed to burn a lounging pot...don't ask. i've been evicted from the kitchen (smell. gag. gag) and mom is officially diagnosing me with domestic handicap :).... i do do some needle work (the result of a very stimulating academic year in sem) but still i can't bake, can't sew...after those two i guess i'm out with the female activities...:) ha ha. i gtg finish working on my class's haggadah (one holiday to the next) and i got this interesting project from nj- writing music for a song someone made up for their daughter's bat mitzvah...fun fun :)

Adar- pisces-fish month..

in the copy center today...the guy behind the counter informs me that he is a guitarist....c'est tres interessant....

yeah, i found g-d
and he was absolutely just like me
he opened my mouth, looked down my throat
told me i was thirsty
he said, i'd been, i'd been, i been
been in this water all my life
never took the time to breathe, breathe, breathe...

whatcha doin' in this darkness baby?
when you know that it will set you free
will you stay in the sea forever?
drowinin there for all eternity?
livin' down where the sun don't shine
come on out in the light
don't spend another day
livin in the sea...

i couldn't take it anymore
so i went back to the sea
cuz' that where the fishes go
when fishes get the sense to flee
breathe...breathe...

[got figure out that music link bit]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOO [niko pico]!!

(the blogess's only & baby sister- eek! 15!)
aww...it was only yesterday i was whistling in mrs. baras' bio class (acc. to moo frogs are still pickling) in my teflon uniform skirt (which is by the way flammable and made from the same substance as my mom's pots)... us mortals so subjected to space and time- literally victim (if we choose to view the issue as such) to the fluttering wings of Being. and yet for all the ephemerality of our youth (which is a matter of innocence not age)- we are so much more than that...thankfully. anywayz- hallelujah! midterms are over (last two were this morning) i am officially returning to the ways of the living (hmmm...). it's been quite busy lately (thankfully with good and sorta-good things) and i thought i'd share a yoga technique (cuz a few of you speak of repleated energies/focus/& most importantly control; and it helps me get by :) from an eclectic book of mine it's called 'pranayama' or breathing through the eyes...try it. it's better than caffeine (i've confirmed that). sample it out in a quiet place (no music. and no awkwardness of self :) once you get the jist of it you can do it anywhere from the midst of rush hour traffic to teaching your cutie piano student 'puff the magic dragon' :) now i'm off before i set off the rest of this stream of consiousness :) nighty night.

G-d help me if i am ever struck by lightning or decide to move to Thailand as a UNICEF worker- or if a telephone pole falls on me and i'm out of commision for a week or two :) (nah- i am just flattered as hell that you want more posts :::cyber blush:::)...i am now looking for a co-blogger- someone to feed me brain cells (intervenously preferably) when i am in total anacerbic mode...(like right now) ...so now that we've established that- what's going down as of late??? hmm... welcome DLR if you've made it (my fellow 6am commuter) and riko!! my loyal blogster!! here's your official dedication :) (lovely chatting with you- even if it was at 4:30amEST :) riko- (you can hate the BS, but unless you make the move away from the BS [and plan never to return] you will, in the end, be somewhat influenced by the general movement of BS- such is the fallacy of living in a society) thinks that amalek is the modern liberal (i am still working that one out) lea thinks it's be-spectacled Nietzche readers (uh oh...i definitely need to figure that one out)- i am at the moment not thinking at all (unless its 18th century poetry and prose...midterm...midterm...) so i have no real thought on that subject. today hmmm: action...action...taught torah in school, went candy shopping (what exactly is paint candy????) with the Yud-Monster (we're surprising his parents with a funky shalach monos) and after a minor disaster - that is him needing bathroom (suddenly emergency) while on 18th avenue (in my car) and loosing my usual cool we jumped out (left the mobile running mid-street) and stormed the kloyzenberg yeshivah (can't go back there-) now i know why i speak yiddish...he made a rule i can no longer sing in the car :) after that we held a surprise party for his sis...and after all that fun and excitement its back to the usual books and my studying i know- sounds boring but i like it ;)... tres tres ennui (pour toi lea :) still i'm a bit too scheduled- feelin' restless...nomadic cells kicking in...tempted to get on a plane...anywhere- stop in Hawaii for a quick pick up (nehamma hope you don't need much) and head out...spin the globe and go...(for now, i'll settle with visualization) i bid thee all adieu. beunos noches (nav- french comment was dully noted ;) rik- i hope this is substantial enough...(words, not substance that is!) now that my new favorite song has magically appeared (thank the lord for music...) i am going to detox...night guys. do get some sleep.

Am having a wonderously good day (i hope you all are :) i am currently willing it to be Spring (as in my choice of light-clothed garb) the MOo and I are off to see River Dance (i'm bringing m'Joyce) and it's St. Paddy's day- so it should be nice and zany...this poem (which i will take off tomorrow) is an oldie...i raise my glass/coffee mug to "meta-physical" poetry (he hem)... Slante!! (as the Irish) [Though as a poetic style i'll stick to the 'monument of complex emotion' vein...yes, i like my dancing dervishes :)] this is loosely conceptualized by matt prior (nice quirky brit/irish one) gtr finish up withIslamic studies- midterm in the am (how come we don't have spring break???!! *moan* )... till later then my friends (maybe upon returning from the show i will be more inclined and truly inspired to write more :) )....

thanks for all the awesome posts guys...this morning upon waking (and not being fully conscious) and attempting to get dressed my Analects fell on my head :D so taking it as a sign- i thought i'd share an appropriate qoute or two :)
'The Master said: "Learning without thinking is useless. Thinking without learning is dangerous."' & "The Master said: 'The wise man in his attitude towards the world has neither predilections nor prejudices. He is on the side of what is right...'" o, 8th Day is being 'reviewed' by yours truly in the BC Excelsior (it's all goood) so if you're on campus check it out & i'll post the link after its printed... :D now piano students and then i am obliged to make an appearance at a wedding...

sislater that same evening...

have recovered from CH wedding....detoxed from total bridget jones episode... he he :) now i head up and finish my avodah- am in total procrastination mode- i want to go out and do something insanely fun (that would be other than pina colada slurpees at 711) - hmmm....alas i come up with zero ideas and summon even less energy....so its nighty night to you all- from the original Bridget :) (that's for you Shawna with an air blown kiss :) btw thanks for calling, last night's dawn conversation was super nice :) it all cool....namastaei people...namastaei :)

been posting a lot of words lately...the silence between is as meaningful as speech itself, (as Dickinson would say "the heaves of storm")...so aujourd'hui i'll keep it short :D i found this meditation in a book i am reading- thought i'd share it :D

Think of today as an opportunity to discover and grow beyond your mental and emotional discomfort. When a difficult situation is upon you, reach into the depth of your being and find a greater meaning to your life and your purpose on Earth. Some of the deepest agonies are the greatest triumphs for your soul's evolution.

namastaei and shalom to you all.

Rick- you've made an interesting point, a whole topic evolving from the discussion on evolution :) Take my word on it hon, you will recover from the System :). You sort of touched a nerve- and being that its a loaded issue i am not sure how to address it. Still, being that most of us are in a limenal state- suspended somewhere between the roles of student and teacher (or in both) it's a safe zone to offer some healthy critique...so here it goes :) I agree with you that by repressing whole controversial issues teachers acknowledge their obvious ignorance; consciously telling their pupils that they lack the appropriate answers to their very real questions. Tools of manipulation, inspired by this fear and discomfort, used to harness the greater quest for learning is shameful indeed. To place the curious mind in a rigorous steel-braced corset of desensitization (with out valid reason) is in fact the anti-thesis of education. Boundaries are necessary, as law is the axis upon with society functions- but how do we interpet these limitations? how do we create them? in moral terms? in religious context? or in a warped social hierarchy? and what of those artistically gifted youths that do not follow in the average vein of convention? do we willingly let their G-d given creativity rot in the gutter because the white-hot force makes us uneasy? What of the students, as you stated Rick, that mentally Google'd 'evolution' the moment they were told to rip in out of their textbooks? My personal teaching philosophy is to emit inspiration and then information. In my limited experience i have found that if the young mind is healthily exercised and challenged it will recognize the open-endedness of the topic and voluntarily revisit the subject. Judaism is a faith that demands scholarship, and what is Chassidut if not the philosophy of the question? Teachers should not stifle but guide- presenting an enticing ripe green apple that grows somewhere between knowing and not quite knowing... the school's mission statement should be to teach how to think not how to memorize. If community teachers claim to hold Truth. they needn't fear fallacious theories, because if fact by their dismissal they give it credence. Today, the teachers of tomorrow must ask themselves do we wish to perpetuate a self-desctructive convention or perpetuate a rich culture in its organic depth? do we feel that we can monopolize faith and insure a single interpetation- when in fact we should encourage our students to discover a meaningful and personal G-d within custom? I am not saying that we should allow a fragmentation of faith, but see it all- in all its beautiful color, sound and flavour...
It is the teacher that holds the flame in the confusion of youth. it is knowledge that brings not clarity but the definition to life. How one emerges from that troubling darkness is directly affected by his teachers. We must acquire our hate and appreciation, be taught to fear and judge. Richard Wilbur has a great poem that emphasizes this point:

The warped night air having brought the boom
Of an owl's voice in her darkened room,
We tell the wakened child that all she heard
Was an odd question from a forest bird,
Asking of us, if rightly listened to,
"Who cooks for you?" and then "Who cooks for you?"

Words, which can make our terrors bravely clear,
Can also thus domesticate a fear,
And send a small child back to sleep at night
Not listening for the sound of stealthy flight
Or dreaming of some small thing in a claw
Borne up to some dark branch and eaten raw.

After that point we must will ourselves to study- mandate our own education and seize control of what we are to become. as i told you, this is a subject that hits home- i hope that you've made it to here- i did not mean to go into lecture mode (blogs make me ramble:) still i hope the issue was presented adquately- i earnestly await your responses :)

friday night we had a full house of females (and one unfortunate guy- sorry Moshe:). old friend who is studying electrical engineering at C.U. came over, heated debate on evolutionary theory ensued. my friend, an evolution believer, and myself an "archaic" creationist fought it out. although i am an anthropology student (and have memorized the ape-line and the endless eons) i adamantly retain this viewpoint (i've written numerous articles in BC journals on the subject) simply because i feel science is still too young for God (just a bit more time...). i do though understand the appeal of evolution, there is a certain security in the logic, a human origin that man can ultimately accredit to himself- and in my opinion the ultimate perversion of the differentiated Intellect. how neatly compartmentalized life could be if we could firmly ascertain all that is, was, and will be, how misconscrewed is study, a form of scientific worship that hails such an ultimate quest....by nature's own diction man is a creator, created in the "image" of the creator himself, and still somehow refuses to acknowedge the causality (why Descartes ascertained God's existence) of his situation. in addition to which the bi-pedalism theory is on the road to being blown to shreds (sahelanthropus tchadensis) which would take down the entire adaptation theory... this dialogue (especially with myself :) can go on and on- i do though, agree with my brilliant friend that Jewish literature on the subject (particularly the Rebbe's published thesises) is sorely lacking and only deal with superficial issues of scientific interpetation (i.e. the basic inductive argument that does not address the thermo-dynamics issue) still, despite the obvious differences (which is okay cuz i am as of late a pyrrohnian skeptic and usually pretty chilled:) it was a good appropriate shabbos discussion (hey- G-d did rest on the seventh)... what else? hmm... i decided to go to shul aujourd'hui (break the Yom Kippur pattern) and managed to chit chat in the 'lil upstairs shul' with B.Marcus of Abraxas Bridge, and My Eighth Day fame (yummy warns don't go to www.the8thday.com it's a weird fish site). that was pretty funny- bit random, too bad he couldn't autograph my cds :) so for this funky Jewish partridge family-like music check out www.my8thday.com . happy happy totaly belated anniversary faye and jeremy- (can i please keep smirk? :) righto- a healthy, happy, shavuah tov. i hope M.G., that the color here has improved- i think that just about covers it. nighty night :)

sweet lea...j'aime les poems de rilke aussi, c'est ne une competition ici mon amie:) ....aujourd'hui c'est une jour d'annee, j'accorde avec toi- ou est les printemps??? mon Deau... moo made great cookies come on over.... :) sleep well mon amies...

for Minu & her job :)
Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.
Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it",
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy your failure;
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you,
But just buckle in with a bit of grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

tonight: et longam incomitata videtus, ire viam

Lyrics to Rain

Wishes unspoken desires unknown,
a child cries in the darkness of her own,
she’s wishing she’s hoping dreaming of a time,
just to feel a tear of joy.
So take this blessing from me,
as your miracle is born,
and the answer to your prayer shines tonight.
May the heaven swing open,
let all your hearts desires rain down on you.
I lift my hands above your head,
Your miracle’s approaching,
Your tearful eye never dry,
will yet behold the sunshine and soon,
we’ll all be dancing to happy news.
Early to bed is early to rise,
you’ve seen that now you’re waiting for your prize,
but you’re broken,
you’re shattered life trembles below
and I know how you feel so alone
So take this blessing from me,
as your miracle is born
and the answer to your prayer shines tonight.
May the heaven swing open,
let all your hearts desires rain down on you.

that's the shout out (and one i like) for the illustrious Marcus Mishpacha and www.my8thday.com..

now sipping on my ginger root tea in my semi-sivasyna state, I have ten full seconds to actually concentrate on what I am posting on this blog (i apologize for the week-long stream of consciousness). It's snowing yet again in the city looks lovely... covers all of the disturbing gray angles, great equalizer till the mud takes over. Rick- in answer to your question the 'word fest thing' is a mic, stage, coffee and a whole bunch of linguistically inclined souls, I'm really not sure what the cat will bring in. I am not sure if i am going to participate, but i do know some people, fellow Brooklyn/city unknowns in the literary light, will be there, maybe i'll post some of their work....yum- i got the submission applications- very sweet of you, i haven't had time to sit down and think it out just yet, i will try to enter though... now to avoid rambling i shall end as i am feeling gravitational pull toward new book and i really must go attend to matters. so friends, family, class-mates, cyber nomads, whoever has chanced upon this page tonight- peace to you all...especially health to you all...stay warm...stay close....namastaei and ah gutteh nacht :)

this one's from a friend...anonymous of course :)

as Queen of the blog. i came. i saw. i post. figured it when in vein wiht last night's late thought... when T1AM find the sec i await the new reading material-

Like the nature of water to displace
form and pool
at the behest of some chemical rule
so too our souls
driven hither and yon
seek solace in the foreign pools
when displaced
from whence they have come.
It's a delicate trick-
two parts hormones
one part imagination
and a dash of starry-eyed idealism
and the logic of reality
comes crashing down
blurring the sight
and changing the season.
The dichotomy is stark
upheaval reeling
to do what knows
or to do what one's feeling?
and is it game?
or is it a healing?
and is it a scar?
or is is a healing?
does it numb the pain?
or does it inspire?
does it kill the shame-
or does it take you higher?
Delicate questions
from a delicate place
a tall precpice-
a falling from grace
a majestic tumult
magistrate's stern eye
when layers like onions peeled
naked and dry.
But all that remains
after all of the acts-
Fills and Surrounds
Expands and Contracts.

telephoneus alternative...so here it is...

"i say with those you love best, you live in foulest shame unconsiously and do not see where you are in calamity."

-Teiresias, "Oedipus the King"

i saw your shadow in the mirror tonight-
heated escape of gray Western light-
no words can go where you no longer hear
free in glass jungles runs the wide Stare.
i cannot reason with your cowardice Hell-
declaration of bright folly, crystal star fell-
denying all love- crushed each struggling spark
for a dream of lfantasy in endless ink'd dark.
roots so deeply knotted hurt as they break-
and rip all of those that stand in their wake.
till silence gives self destruction credence
an intimacy of death blind to consequence-
despite this late hour i refuse to find sleep
in the echoes of laughter sold that cheap
i've seen it before, the image will come
an end of day- dawn's glare disparingly won-
the heart is dangerous when so powerfully rent
and leads you too silently by the purest intent
indulging in vulgarity to numb lonely pain
till the wound untreated leaves a permament stain.
claim glorious inspiration, declare Beauty's cause
madness ends too soon opens wide to what was.
to the hangover that can last for endless years-
and bring you full circle in ripples of tears.
futile secrets, illogical stories, and twisted lies
can never lessen the honored standing in ephemeral eyes
and i will sit in this place tired, cool, but so achingly real
because there can be no shame that love cannot heal...

today was a whilrwind of a day (this is not a personal diary- so no need for details: )...it began with hyping my class for purim...what's there not to love? the candy gorge (24 hours granola free:), the fantastic story (wolf-man, suspended hands, women growing tails)... most of all teh kids like the dress-up (we're going with a blue hair theme)...my students and i have decided to put on a purim play set in modern times...vashti will be barbie (vanity), haman will be the evil dr. kropsi (stolen from my srul's 22 year old warped brain), esther is going to be super healthy (taking care of the soul) to the point she turns green, mordechai will be the local rabbi (always the stable focus)...its about rescuing gefilte fish (Jewish tradition/family custom) from the indomintable Ice Igloo Fortress (coldness toward Judaism) of the evil dr. kropsi....you get the idea, you're all cordially invited to watch Morah Indy lead her class on in the festive gala (ha ha), hope Greenwich will recover (maybe we'll just perform in the senior center:) took my bf Yudah bowling...he always beats me, i am truly the non-conventional athlete :) and now to tackle the paper pile... before i forget (yum- no. :)- i've been invited to give a reading at a word-art thing @ the states lounge (? gotta check the address) on April 19th....so helas :)

...for anyone blessed with Spirit and possibly insomnia :)

In Kahlil Gibran's writings, the Prophet replies, in answer to a question about Evil, "of the Good in you I can speak, but not of the Evil. For what is Evil but Good- tortured by its own hunger and thirst? When Good is tortured by its own hunger and thirst? When Good is hungry, it seeks food, even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters. You are good when you are one with yourself. Yet when you are not one with yourself you are not evil. For a divided house is not a den of thieves; it is only a divided house.And a ship without rudder may wander aimlessly among perilous isles yet sink not to the bottom. You are good when you strive to give of yourself. Yet you are not evil when you seek gain for yourself. For when you strive for gain you are but a root that clings to the earth and sucks at her breast. Surely the fruit cannot say to the root, "Be like me, ripe and full and ever giving of your abundance." For to the fruit giving is a need, as receiving is a need to the root. You are good when you are fully awake in your speech, Yet you are not evil when you sleep while your tongue staggers without purpose. And even tumbling speech may strengthen a weak tongue. You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps. Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping. Even those who limp go not backward. But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness. You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good, You are only loitering and sluggard. Pity that the stags cannot teach swiftness to the turtles. In your longing for your giant self lies your goodness: and that longing is in all of you. But in some of you that longing is a torrent rushing with might to the sea, carrying the secrets of the hillsides and the songs of the forest. And in others it is a flat stream that loses itself in angles and bends and lingers before it reaches the shore. But let not him who longs much say to him who longs little, "Wherefore are you slow and halting?" For the truly good ask not the naked, "Where is your garment?" nor the houseless, "What has befallen your house?" "

i don't belong to any specific music genre, i go by the feel of the song...and i like the one thats playing right now...solid lyrics...day's over, nights begins...feels damn good...Nekama where, o where is your hawaii work? i have been checking my email awaiting new talent with great anticipation (i need a high :) ....and i miss my Yale sweatshirt :) ... check out mon amie, Lea's new bloggee (she's quite the clever and talented one) at livesalone.blogspot.com... and hon, i changed my mind i disagree with Billy Shakespare "blogs are not the results of idle brains"!! visit her, you'll love her...spread the word... bella bebe :) and Angel Brit- as an official herbalist/witch/palmist (i'll fax references) i am available for you-know-what, i can't even say it it's so violent :) just say the word ('cept my car's out of commision), and yes, all men can have rotten, hideous, grotesque, id-ish tendencies some even help prove the evolutionary theory... listen to me, i want you to read this every morning: you are a beautiful, strong, invincible, intelligent, wonderful human...i am still infuriated by what you told me...really, if i was physically able to i'd drive over now...fear not...i am convinced there are some good fish left... one for you, lay, nekama, reesh...maybe even me :)

ta da...in case you missed the Christo...i present the gates of new york...a river of orange that leads to the heart of the city...hmm the golden gates of opportunity..the burning gates to hell...the vivacious gates of paradise....hmm....

even if the only thing French you know is fries and wine- you will love these chics...the film was fantastique (no french is needed :))  

post- 9pm

well some of my pics got weird reviews so i will be pulling some (and also because its only so long that someone who's hardly in pics can stand full frontal shots)...possibly exchanging them with a sexy portrait of the triplets of belleville...and my dear Yalee friend.. in regard to our 3am asthma attack conversation (btb how did the early drive go?) i'll give you my personal teaching philosophy (maybe it'll help with due circumstance) despite its extreme simplicity i have it tatooted on my forehead: be the teacher you always wanted to have. bebe, the classroom is a theatre, a petri-dish, a canvas...you hold Prometheus in your palms...now Bikram yoga, homework, and the like...